Don’t know if I already wrote this, but anyway. I’ll sort it out later if I have.
24th August 2005
Boredom has set in. I’ve been thinking about work. University again was a possibility until the guy I was speaking to got out a clearing form. Then it became serious and the decision became whether spending three years without money doing a course which did have a few possibilities but which was attractive more because of its content than career prospects was the way forward. I decided that it wasn’t at this time, although I wouldn’t say that university again in the future has been completely ruled out.
What I need is a plan. But a plan suggests that you have an idea of the end result you want, and I don’t. Except the fact I’d like to get paid an obscene amount of money for very little work doing something I enjoy doing, or not have the need to work in the first place. For the latter I have a few ideas, but I fear that ploughing all my savings into one week of mass gambling is probably not wise, and that marrying someone rich (preferably 5’10, beautiful, Australian, singer, songwriter, actress) in the foreseeable future is not completely realistic. Hence why they’re only ideas and not plans.
So that establishes that I’m going to need to work for a living. Shitter. Deep breathe. *Takes a second just to come to terms with that*. OK. Right. Deep breathe.
Back to the first scenario then, paid lots for doing something you never thought you’d be able to get paid for. I’ll go for discussing money first. You need money for one reason and one reason only – to support your standard of living. I’m a believer that you will instantly adjust your standard of living depending on the amount of money you earn, and I also believe that the people who live beyond their means are irresponsible. I don’t care what people say that if they won the Lottery is wouldn’t change them, cause it would. Even if it was just on a smaller scale, like getting a new car with air conditioning rather than one without, even if the car is still only a cheap little hatchback.
So however much money you have, you’re always going to aspire to want more, which is the same in pretty much every aspect of life. But just cause you want more doesn’t mean you can’t survive on what you have already. So the money aspect boils down to this question – can you be happy continuing the way you are outside of work? For now, I can. But some aspects of my home life will hopefully change and I also appreciate that I’m extremely fortunate that I currently have some very generous agreements which won’t last forever, so I’m probably going to need to look at going up a few rungs on the pay scale, even if not a tax bracket!
The other two aspects, hours and subject of work, are related. If you love doing something, you won’t mind getting up in the morning to go and do it. Except if you were really tired I guess. Or hungover. Or ill. I could probably go on listing exceptions so I’ll stop now – I’m sure you get the gist. So what do I love doing and what’s holding me back?
I love my football, but I’m not good enough to be a professional. Plus I’ve missed the boat age-wise and dropping out of a job to find a team and train for a career with so few chances isn’t too good.
Archery. Hmm, money in archery…?
Music. “Need experience…”, “… years experience of…”, “need to demonstrate experience…”. Answer me this. How do you get experience if you can’t get on the bottom rung of the ladder?
Cars. But I don’t actually know not a lot about them. How do they work? Well, they burn petrol which makes the pistons move (unless it’s a Mazda RX8 with a rotary engine!) and the when you press the accelerator it moves. I can tell you how they look and how they drive though. But then what’s the chances of getting a job where I get to test cars and then tell people about them.
And probably lastly, I’m enjoying my website design and graphics making. But I have no qualifications to prove it and all I do is mess about, I don’t actually produce much.
So from what I’ve trawled up there, what I’m lacking is knowledge / skills and experience. But first I need to work out if that’s what I want to do. What I need is a plan to help me get a plan. Now how do you go about that?
5th September 2005
My head hurts. I’ve been getting headaches for the last few weeks and I never normally get headaches. We went playing football in the sun yesterday and I kind of mis-timed a header straight onto the top of my head. It hurt at the time and then went away but since about 6pm yesterday till now, 11.36am, I’ve had a splitting headache in my temples, my left ear and down the back of my neck. I really should learn how to head a ball cause I kept on getting it wrong at a seven a side tournament a few weeks ago.
I guess I don’t hurt anywhere else which is a miracle considering my lack of exercise of recent times.
We had the club shoot on Saturday, which went OK. I was a tad stressed in the build-up cause of all the changing of plans right up until sighters, and then finally I could just shoot rather than having to run round like a moron. It was quite a blustery day and I just couldn’t get anything in the middle, so when you combine a bucket full of reds with the occasional black or white for my now all too customary loss of any type of pressure, it’s never going to be a great score.
Was pleased with myself that I actually managed to get through all 6 dozen. I know people take the proverbial out of me for going along and setting up and not shooting but with the way I’ve been recently I’d rather just relax and shoot when I want. I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling fresh and everything seems a bit of a drag and a bit of an effort at the moment. I seem to have to force myself into doing things, but then that’s no change cause I have a habit of taking all the time I have to do things. That’s not saying I leave things to the last minute, I don’t. I just use all the time available to me.
The barbeque was successful too. No-one has reported illness. We were left with four chicken legs, so I’d say we predicted the quantity of food required fairly well. It was a nice day when the wind died down and I think everyone enjoyed it. We should probably do more of these events, but given the work getting the last one done it may be a while. Maybe I should start planning the Christmas party now.
Anyway, after talking about food I’m now starving (the fools that think breakfast bars can see you through the morning are wrong – you need at least one packet of them) so I’m going to get some lunch.
14th September 2005
Why is it that sometimes you can just never win? Someone does something stupid with a consequence they didn’t know about and it’s always going to be your fault whether you knew about it or not. Say for example, that there is a door blowing in a breeze and so to stop it from banging against the door frame someone wedges a brush handle through the door handle when a couple of cans of Heinz beans on the floor won’t do the job, with the end of the brush fairly obviously pressing hard into the door causing it to dent. You try to get through the door the morning after but can’t because there’s a brush wedged under the handle. You try to remove the brush but can’t at first so you open the door as far as it will freely move and clamber over the brush. Given the new angle you decide to try to remove the brush, which you do with relatively little effort and then pass a comment after careful inspection of the damaged door.
The person who set-up the offending door wedge also comes to inspect the door and blames you for damaging it. When this person is so far up their own arse that they couldn’t possibly be responsible because their plan was seemingly flawless, despite the fact the pressure on the brush was bending it and you could see the dent in the door before you started trying to get through, what do you do?
You could have left it all as it was, but you needed to get through and in any case, why would you be believed when you said you didn’t touch it? You could have got the bright spark out of bed to remove the wedge resulting in a barracking for not being able to do it yourself. Or you can remove the brush in the only way possible, exposing the damage to the door which you must have done because the other person couldn’t possibly have done it as their plan was genius.
Perhaps I’ve just discovered what fate is.
And considering that it is now 12.37 the day hasn’t got much better. Some person in a Rover 25 who thinks it’s the best car in the world made me have to brake quite hard on my way to work. You know when you just see something happening and you can’t quite believe it and then your brain works out that what you’re seeing is reality so you should take evasive action?
I thought the “best car in the world” state of mind was reserved for female drivers of 1.2l Vauxhall Corsas with Garfields stuck to their windows or Passat drivers of any denomination, cause, lets face it, everyone driving a Passat (maybe not the new one which is annoying me too cause I actually like the look of it) really wanted an A4. And also a mention about the boy “racers” (I’ve never seen them race, just travelling in convoys) who bought a crap car, stuck a wheelie bin on the front and big noisy exhaust on the back and maybe did some engine mods, cause these people need to prove that what they did in making their cars look stupid has given their fragile little egos a boost as well as their overdrafts.
Then I got into work safe and sound and picked up an e-mail asking me to print some documents. It’s this type of task which is really annoying me. Part of my job description wasn’t to “do what all the rest of the department can’t be bothered doing”. It’s printing, it’s not that hard. Well, it’s not when you’re connected to a printer which can actually buffer a 2meg document without making you computer seize up for half an hour.
I begin to wonder whether some people are just taking the proverbial. Because I’m paid peanuts doesn’t mean I’m a monkey. I do have a sense of autonomy that makes me realise I’m better than typing and printing. The photocopier only offers rare flickers of excitement at the moment.
I was asked two weeks ago whether I had any holidays booked cause there was an emergency and I’d be needed for something. Seems like the emergency was spilt milk. Then I was asked if I had any plans after my contract ran out. “Nothing confirmed” I replied. I didn’t say “Yes, please offer me an unlawful extension to my temporary contract which will lose me some long term options when it comes to getting a future career for the sake of four months pay.” I’m a 22 year old graduate – I need a career, not a job.
Alas, my printing is finished so I guess this entry will have to as well.