I’m finally less tired today! Get in! Ironically it comes the day I’ve found it hardest to get up in the morning and the day I’m going to have a late night! I can’t really say I’m totally refreshed and full of energy but I do feel better. Was really struggling to come up with “plant pot” last night when describing one of my grandparents Christmas presents (I can say that cause they’ll never find this in the next three years let alone the next three days). Just had a coffee with lots of sugar but am very hungry.
I sometimes wonder if I kind of get ill. I catch a bug or something but it doesn’t quite take full hold, so it just leaves me feeling crap but with no symptoms. Touch wood, I’m quite proud of my immune system. I normally get one cold a year and then that’s it. The last time I missed work, uni, college or school through illness was when I found out I was intolerant to lactose and in hindsight, the two pints of banana milkshake an hour or two before bed wasn’t a good idea. Missed a GP Crime lecture. Before that I was in year 10 at school and it was round February so I’d be 14. 8 years – not bad! Breaking my collar bone doesn’t count cause I only missed a few lessons and wasn’t really “ill”.
If I put this here it’ll be easy for me to find again…
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note… they are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the Christmas Tree formation, car modification and performance or sex.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Anyway, not sure I’ll be able to blog before Christmas given what I’m doing and when between now and then, so if I don’t, hope everyone has a great Christmas and New Year.