Drawing a Blank

When was the last time your walked away from a discussion, only to think of The Perfect Comeback hours later? Recreate the scene for us, and use your winning line.

I tend not to get in many arguments or discussions that require “a comeback”.

There’s two parts to this prompt for me, really. The first is that I like time to think where I don’t know enough about the subject. That’s not to say that I need to know everything, but I need to know enough. It’s like if someone asks if you want to go to a particular place for dinner – you don’t necessarily need to know every item on the menu but you do need to know it serves food! This can sometimes be detrimental but at work I think it’s a good idea. I won’t be pushed in to a decision I’m not happy about making.

Where I don’t need time to think I’m usually passionate enough about the discussion to be able to know everything I need to know at the time.

Of course, this isn’t to say that I don’t think of things I would rather have said or done differently after the event! There are times I’d rather have been a bit more cheeky, a bit more reserved, and sometimes the obvious comment was far too easy if not a little smutty!

To answer the question, even if I can’t remember an “after the event” comeback, I can remember one such discussion where I was maybe a little more sarcastic than I needed to be and it did make me feel a little bad as I left. One thing that annoys me is people in shops who use scripts, but there was also another part to this one.

I was buying a staple gun in Argos. For those who don’t know what Argos is, it’s a catalogue shop. You browse the catalogue, get the number of the item you want, pay for it at a till and they bring it to you out a warehouse.

I took my number to the till. The cashier put the number in and checked with me that it was “a nail gun”. I said it was actually a staple gun to be informed that they were “both the same thing”.

Red rag. Bull.

“Well they’re not, are they? One shoots nails and one shoots staples. I want the one that shoots staples.”

“Oh yeah, it does say staple gun. Would you like to guarantee it for a further year for £9.99?”

“No, it’s OK thanks. It’s only £14.99 anyway so I’ll take the risk that my statutory rights won’t cover any failure within that additional year.”

“OK, can I just take an e-mail address to send that guarantee to?”

“I said I didn’t want the extended guarantee so what do you need my e-mail address for?”

“Oh, we don’t, that’s fine, thanks.”

It just left me shaking my head!

Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I’m clean, I’m clean

But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh, tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

So tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Oh, lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

White Blank Page by Mumford & Sons

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