Why Compromise A Dream?

Where does it come from? This quest, this need to solve life’s mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we’d be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. That’s not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here…

Judy over at Life Lessons recently asked me what has caused my disillusionment with Volkswagen Passats. The answer is actually pretty simple. For some reason, most of my (not massive) road rage is caused by people driving Passats.

I have a theory to support this, backed up by a little bit of fact. Whenever I ask a Passat owner whether they actually wanted the car before they bought it, I’m yet to find someone to say “yes”. I’ve already mentioned previously that my dream car is 1VEV. I also like the DB10 from Spectre that recently sold for £2.4m and it isn’t even road legal. But in the case of Passats, I’m not talking about the aspirational, money-no-object dream the likes of which would cause you to give up paid work and move to your dream house with your two huskies and volunteer your time to various charities. I’m talking about the sort of dream or desire where you have a few options within your reasonable means and compromising to get something that you think you should get rather than something you want.

This makes me think that every time someone gets in to their Passat they just resent it and end up angry, twisted and burning up with hate every time they have to drive it!

It got me thinking about how we make decisions. The other night I decided to start watching Heroes again, possibly inspired by Heroes Reborn on 5Star which appears to be OK except for the fact that the snob in me hates the fact it’s not broadcast in high definition.

At the start of each episode Mohinder Suresh voices an intro which he then closes at the end. The quote about dreams at the top of this post is the quote from the first episode, “Genesis”. It was kind of ironic seeing as I started watching that episode and woke up in the early hours of the morning on the sofa with pins and needles in my left hand and a black and white lump purring in my face. I resuscitated my hand, removed the cat from my chest, went to bed and dreamt some pretty depressing dreams.

I’ve had some theories about why we yearn, have the dreams we do and ultimately make decisions.

The first theory is the best one. We actually do what we want. Shove it to authority or whatever anyone else may think. This is what we want so we do it. (Of course, this is only the best option when what we want is legal and won’t harm anyone else!)

The second idea is based around what we think we should want. This is kind of the Passat thing. Most owners actually wanted an Audi or a BMW, but the Passat is virtually the same car and it’s cheaper to buy and maintain so it’s the sensible choice. We can be affected by other opinions and social pressures. For example, in magazines we’re bombarded with images of toned men with sun tans and perfect teeth, and women with big boobs, blonde hair and a perfectly symmetrical smile. But what if we fall for the kind and funny soul with a Dad-bod and bald head, or the amazing brunette with A-Cups and the most honest smile we’ve ever seen?

Accepting what we think we should want is quite dangerous if we don’t have the ability to change our mind. We can be so set on “this is what I want”, “this is how it has to happen” that we’re simply not ready or prepared for something that essentially fulfills every criteria but not as we imagined it previously. It can also be dangerous if we don’t understand why we want it – we just do. Opportunities can be passed up for little or no good reason.

Consciously, I don’t want to dream about the thing that is waking me up most nights. The fact that my unconscious mind still wants to work through it is interesting and frustrating in equal measure! (Yes, one dream included crossing a junction diagonally. It’s just stupidly dangerous!)

The third idea is that we get what we deserve. There’s a line in The Perks of Being a Wallflower that says:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

We don’t think we’re good enough to achieve the dream. In some instances, this can be true. Certain people – very evil people – deserve to drive Passats! My friend who went through a bitter and messy divorce does not. (However, he is, by his own admission, very good at car accidents so maybe the Passat is getting what it deserves!) In all seriousness though, some of us, for whatever reason, might not think we’re good enough to get what we want. When you consistently fail with the blondes with big boobs and the brunettes with amazing smiles, maybe I’ve found my level with the red head nearly twice my age who just wanted me to pee on her! I’ll give up on love and just practice bladder control!

We may also believe that we simply aren’t good enough to be the object of the dream of others.

Perhaps Mohinder sums it up best at the end of the episode:

This quest… This need to solve life’s mysteries… In the end, what does it matter when the human heart can only find meaning in the smallest of moments? They’re here. Among us. In the shadows. In the light. Everywhere. Do they even know yet?

There are opportunities everywhere. They might not be what we expected. They might not be the perfect we thought we wanted, but are perfect nonetheless. The important thing is that the decision is made for the right reasons.

I, I don’t know why i miss you so much
Yeah I, I don’t know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today
Ill say that I’m fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It’s just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I’d do it again to relive what we had
(Damn, that’s sad)

There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just cant leave behind me

Deep And Meaningless by Rooster

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