Refresh Yourself

I decided that I’d have a look over some old posts to see whether they were worthy of a refresh.  My plan was to randomly pick a page of posts (it was number 13 because that’s as random as I get) and then close my eyes, move the mouse around and rewrite and refresh the post I fell upon.  Unfortunately I landed on My Dating Apocalypse which, as well as being one of the longest posts I’ve ever written, I don’t think will actually benefit from a refresh.

I’ve been posting mumblings to a blog since 2004 so went back through them to find posts from this day in history and, typically, didn’t have any.  The closest to this day last year was a trip to Quarry Bank Mill for the Spring Bank Holiday and there’s isn’t a great deal one can rewrite about a day trip other than to do the entire day again which is something I don’t have time to do now.

On nearly this day in 2006 I was blogging about preparation for a job interview and I can’t really remember which one it would be right now!  There was one for the first “proper” job I fell in to.  I was working in HR at the time and went to lunch with my team the previous day.  One of them declared how she normally cleaned the house naked so she didn’t ruin her clothes.  At the interview she knocked over a cup of water and proceeded to mop it up and dry the table which somewhat ruined my train of thought!

And that brings me to 2014 where I posted a video for a Dashboard Confessional song called For You To Notice.  Every now and again, I stumble across songs and they just fit the circumstance.  There’s other posts (this one and this one) around the time I wrote that one that probably explain what was going on to an extent.  Every… single… word in that song was just right at that point in time.  It was exactly what was going through my mind.

I liked the symmetry of the last two posts I mentioned despite them being 8 years apart.  They were both hoping someone would give me a chance.  I think one did (I don’t think I’ve ever not got a job I applied for in my current workplace) but the other didn’t give me the chance I was hoping for.

Last week a recruiter rang me to see if I was interested in a triple-my-salary contract job.  Of course I am.  Though I won’t lie, while I did tinker with my CV I was tempted to add some extra stretches of the truth.  That’s kind of the point I wanted to make in tying those posts together.

People can change and do change, whether that be an evolution or a revolution.  For every Planet of the Apes there is a True Lies – some are a bad remake and some are pretty damn good!  When you’re looking at your own identity, how far are you prepared to go to change and refresh yourself for something you want?

I’m starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you,
where every single word I said,
would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you’d want to call me.
And I would be there every time
you’d need me.
I’d be there every time…
But for now I’ll look so longingly
waiting…
For you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me.

For You To Notice by Dashboard Confessional

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