Three On My Back And Other Useless Scars

I’m fairly covered in scars due to my ability to hurt myself, the chances of which used to be quite high when I was as active as I want to be.  Some have been illness but most are injury!

I have the one on my chin when I tripped up out of my grandparent’s French windows when I will have been 5 or 6 years old and put my hands down to break my fall but still landed chin first on to a metal plant pot.

I have to sizeable scars on my back.  The first was when I had a mole removed and the second which apparently looks like a bullet wound was when I had an infected cyst removed.

My left arm has escaped relatively unscathed but the right has a burn scar from the oven and one from an incident with a hedge.  The hand at the end of that arm has a scar on my middle knuckle where a bike fell on it when I was on holiday once and there’s one on my thumb, caused by other thumb’s nail while I was trying to break in to a particularly stubborn pistachio.

My knees are covered in scars from various falls onto hard surfaces.  There’s one down my left calf which is another cycling incident and one on my right toe where part of the nail had to be removed.

The faintest scars I have are three very short linear ones right next to each other on the back of my left shoulder.  I woke up with them one morning.  This was disappointing for two reasons – if I’m going to wake up with cuts from fingernails on my back I want someone else to put them there, and I want to remember it!

A long time ago I said I wanted a tattoo of a firework to remind me of things.  Scars can do the same, only they’re a little more retrospective lessons learnt than proactive pep talks.  I try to be a little more careful on my bike and with hot and sharp objects.  The hardest scars for me to bare at the moment are the ones like the ones on my back – I know what did the damage but I don’t know why.  They hurt when they were inflicted and they’re a constant reminder of better times, but I don’t really know why they needed to be there and that’s incredibly frustrating.

You’re setting off,
It’s time to go, the engine’s running.
My mind is lost,
We always knew this day was coming
And now it’s more frightening than it’s ever gonna be.

We grow apart,
I watch you on the red horizon.
Your lion’s heart
Will protect you under stormy skies
And I will always be listening for your laughter and your tears.

And as soon as I can hold you once again
I won’t let go of you, I swear.

We live through scars this time
But I’ve made up my mind –
We can’t leave us behind anymore.

Your hands are cold,
Your lips are turning blue, you’re shaking.
This fragile heart,
So heavy in my chest, it’s breaking
And in the dark, you try to make a pay phone call to me.

But you’re miles away,
You’re breaking up, you’re on your own.
It’s hard to take,
I need an hour just to say hello
And I can’t make the truth of this work out for you or me.

And for all the pennies in your pocket
We barely get a second just to speak.

We live through scars this time
But I’ve made up my mind –
We can’t leave us behind anymore.
We’ll have to hurt for now
But next time there’s no doubt
‘Cause I can’t go without you anymore.

Oh, no, no
Oh, oh.

We live through scars this time
But I’ve made up my mind –
No, we can’t leave us behind anymore.

We’ll have to hurt for now
But next time, there’s no doubt
‘Cause I can’t go without you anymore.
No, I can’t go without you anymore.

Scars by James Bay

Comments 1

Leave A Comment?