Underestimated Happiness

Regular readers will know about an issue I’ve had with an old friend of mine, and part of it is how she would underestimate me.

For new readers – we were really close.  I’d had feelings for her, she’d had feelings for me.  At the end of last year she decided that we couldn’t be friends anymore because she was thinking about me when she was dating other guys she couldn’t tell me about, but she couldn’t date me because I wouldn’t move to another country with her this year.

I found it staggering how she could underestimate me in such a way.  We’d known each other for two years and would speak usually for hours pretty much everyday.  She was probably my best friend.  If we’d have taken it to the next level for however long it would have been, why wouldn’t I have gone?

What upset me about being underestimated in such a way was that it was an assumption.  It was based on little to no fact – just a feeling or a guess.  I’m not saying I would have jumped instantly and said I would go anywhere.  I’m responsible to worry enough about finding somewhere to live that I liked, a job, whether Moo could come!

Whether one tends to overestimate or underestimate, it is all guesswork.  I would have liked the chance to prove her wrong, not least because I like to know as much as I can before making a decision.  It sucks that I wasn’t worth that, or worth being told the truth.

Ain’t got no reason but I’ve got rhymes
I’ve spent too much of what I’ve earned just trying to feel alive
I wish I could rewrite the stories of the past
But you can’t go back and change what’s done and start over where you began

I don’t know where to go from here now
Something still lingers though, it’s weighing me down
I know the sun will shine again
Back and forth it seems we’ll remain until the end

One step too many, time after time
Fucking up ’round every turn, sick of how I’m feeling inside

I don’t know where to go from here now
Something still lingers though, it’s weighing me down
I know the sun will shine again
Back and forth it seems we’ll remain until the end

Back and forth until the end
Why must everything be a second guess?
Back and forth until the end
Why must everything be a second guess?

I don’t know where to go from here now
Something still lingers though, it’s weighing me down
I know the sun will shine again
Back and forth it seems we’ll remain until the end

Second Guess by YOU+ME

Comments 3

  1. I get it….relationships can be sooooo much work and so fragile…and, it’s a shame that misunderstandings and assumptions are sometimes substituted for communication…thanks for sharing 🙂

  2. Eleanor Parks

    I’ve met a lot of people in my time, and one thing that always astounds me is the lack of communication in relationships. Men say, “My wife doesn’t understand me”, when in actual fact, they’ve never spoken to her about how they feel. She can’t understand you if you don’t talk to her…she’s not a bloody mind reader! Women too, say, “Oh, he wouldn’t like this” or “He’d never do that” But did you ask him? Well, no! Thanks for sharing your experience on being on the receiving end of a lack of communication (if that’s not an oxymoron). I love the way you write. It’s like chatting with a friend! 🙂

    • As you may have gathered from reading my blog, this was a weird one for me. The person in question was big on communication (when it suited her) and once suggested that we never spoke about feelings when I didn’t have any to speak of and she wouldn’t ever tell me what was going on with her even when I asked. Then when it was pertinent to discuss things she didn’t, which is one of the upsetting things because I hate not being given a chance to do something about it and I feel like I’ve lost someone really special because of that and even being told the opposite of what was actually happening at some points in time.

      Thanks for the compliment too!

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