Eating Poo And Other Non-South Pastimes

In Britain, we have something called the North South Divide.  Wikipedia refers to it as the perceived economic and cultural differences between Southern England and the rest of Great Britain (Northern England, Wales and Scotland). The divide cuts through the English Midlands.

So, “The North” describes Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and most of England.  “The South” is basically anything below an imaginary line drawn from the bottom of the Wales to just above Norwich and encompasses, mainly, London.

The people down in the south of the country are very pretty and rich and well educated but don’t particularly like strangers or temperatures below 25 Celsius.  Up North we live in mud huts, have an extremely limited gene pool and eat our own faeces.  Waste not, want not.

Of course, while there are certain aspects of the North South Divide that are correct today, what I mentioned above are unfair stereotypes.  Northerners don’t live in mud huts, eat poo or reproduce with their own mothers any more or less than the rest of the country.  There are very pretty, rich and well educated people in the South and, although they don’t like hugs or talking to people they don’t know, those sorts of people also exist (and originated from) north of Watford.

There are stereotypes everywhere though.

I was at a first birthday party at the weekend where the grandfather of the birthday girl was insistent that all football fans are thugs.  He continued to insist that every single person in the country who likes the national sport regularly partakes in barbaric acts even knowing that I was a season ticket holder and that he was inclusive of his son-in-law.

This guy was unfairly stereotyping a vast modern demographic based on hooliganism in the 70’s and 80’s and the actions of a minority to this day.  It also became apparent that he had no idea what he was talking about.  However, it still wasn’t pleasant for me to be thought of in such a way, to be part of that unfair stereotype.

Some people like fitting in though.  I walked in to a bar in Manchester the other day and every guy looked the same.  And it was busy! They all had beards and detached side partings.  They were all wearing shirts with all the buttons done up but nothing in the way of neckwear.  This was complimented by skinny trousers rolled up at the bottom (otherwise known as “too small”) and a pair of boating shoes with no socks.  I would stereotype all these people as hipsters.

Stereotyping breaks people down in to a few characteristics and seeks to put them in to boxes, limiting them in being what they want to be and also, dangerously, how other people might see them.  It’s interesting how we don’t always see each other as individuals despite wanting ourselves to be seen as that very thing.

That would be the best thing to be stereotyped as – an individual with free choice.  It would certainly need a big box to fit everyone in.

And the women tug their hair
Like they’re trying to prove it won’t fall out,
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout.

The whole place is pickled,
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they’ve done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar.

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere,
Liverpool or Rome.
‘Cause Rotterdam is anywhere,
Anywhere alone.
Anywhere alone.

And everyone is blonde,
And everyone is beautiful,
And when blondes and beautiful are multiple
They become so dull and dutiful.

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares,
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear.

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere,
Liverpool or Rome.
‘Cause Rotterdam is anywhere,
Anywhere alone.
Anywhere alone.

The whole place is pickled,
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they’ve done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar.

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere,
Liverpool or Rome.
‘Cause Rotterdam is anywhere,
Anywhere alone.

Rotterdam by The Beautiful South

 

Comments 3

  1. Jessica Grooms

    This was great! It seems the North/South stereotypes are not just an American thing. They seem so silly. I know I am guilty of a few myself though. :/

    • I thought it was interesting reading your post that South US and South UK are stereotyped as opposites!

  2. Eleanor Parks

    I think it’s funny how in the media, northerners are generally portrayed as prefixing every word with a ‘t’. I mean, just because my Mum says t’internet, doesn’t mean we all do! 🙂

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