Slowly Moving Animals Like Their Liquor

I don’t know if anyone else has seen the two stories in the press this week about animals that move slowly?

The first is about the sloth, and it’s actually a staggeringly obvious conclusion.  Sloths are very rare in that they are arboreal folivores, meaning these creatures usually hang out in trees eating leaves.  They have a field metabolic rate (FMR) of as little as 460 kilojoules per day, which is the equivalent of around 110 calories.

As Jonathan Pauli, an author on the study, put it in a press release:

Think about it… the food sucks. It’s only plant leaves.  You have to exploit a very constrained niche.

In other words, the sloth moves slowly because it’s diet doesn’t allow it to do otherwise.  But what would happen if you allowed said sloth to get drunk?

Some researchers in the US discovered that the slow loris, when presented with a choice of sugary solutions laced with different amounts of alcohol, rapidly settled on the most intoxicating.  Apparently the strongest booze it was presented with was 4%.

However, not only did it like the strongest drink, it also apparently showed what the researchers describe as “a relative aversion to tap water”, which was used as a control!

Samuel Gochman, a biology student at Dartmouth writing in the journal Royal Society Open Science, notes that the slow loris didn’t get drunk though.

Now, I know a number of types of drunk.  I know the one who gets argumentative, the one who gets lairy… The only time I got drunk (from eating too much tiramisu from the buffet at Euro Disney when I was younger) I got giggly.  That’s another reason I didn’t want to try a drinking experiment on my own with only an “experienced” female drinker because I wasn’t sure what would have happened by the end of the night!

I also know the one who starts doing everything much more slowly, to the extent we found him in the early hours of one New Years Day stood up asleep in a bar holding a glass of Jack Daniels.

As far as I’m aware though, he’s not markedly better at holding his drink than anyone else I know.  He doesn’t eat meat that much anymore though.

The house is still at midnight, by one we’ll be a wreck
Alcohol and bandages will soon follow this mess
Sleeping’s overrated, we lie awake and cry
If this is love then kill me now and save me from my life

The house is dead by morning, as good as new again
The morning after funeral is coming to it’s end
Smile’s are too tempting and hopes as good as lies
Memories are pain that lost their meaning over time

Just close your eyes, everything will be okay
Just close your eyes, everything will be okay
Just close your eyes, everything will be okay
Just close your eyes, just close your eyes

Just let us sleep….
We never asked for this

Alcohol And Bandages by Jamisonparker

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