The Unstoppable Sneeze

Herewith I’ll geek out about some useless information I know – that of The Unstoppable Sneeze.

(WARNING: This is probably a 12A Certified post due to “Sexual References”!)

I think we all have certain physical things we can’t help.  If I eat anything more spicy than a piece of cardboard, I’ll dissolve in my own sweat.  If I see a pretty woman, I cease to be able to speak.  My friends think I put this on, that I really can stop sweating and really can form syllables despite my initial reaction.

This brings me to one of my friends who doesn’t just sneeze, he sneezes in to double figures.  It’s like lots of little sneezes comprising more “choo” than “ah”, and causes great fun when we start counting how many he’s up to.  Yes, we’re mean, I know.

I’ve known this friend for most of my life, and he’s always sneezed in such a way.  It was only when watching the film Friends With Benefits that I saw another sneezing phenomonum – the Post Orgasm Unstoppable Sneeze.

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Me being me found out that THIS IS ACTUALLY A THING! The Post Orgasm Unstoppable Sneeze IS ACTUALLY A THING!  There’s a report about it and everything!

Apparently the author of the report came across a guy (this is one of those jokes I can say because people who probably shouldn’t get it won’t… When I say “came across a guy” in the context of unstoppable sexual sneezes, I mean “encountered a guy”)… Anyway, where was I?

Apparently the author of the report came across a guy who had uncontrollable fits of sneezing everytime he thought of something sexual.  Possibly avoids the awkward semi while being a bit of a passion killer when the time is right.

The Journal Of The American Medical Association (JAMA 1972; 219:1350-1) in 1972 reported about a 69 year old man (he would be that old, wouldn’t he?) who sneezed immediately after orgasm and this was linked to alleged erectile tissue in the nose.  The Pinocchio joke here is just too easy.

pinocchio

Other than that, medical literature was quite sparse on such instances, although the author did find a further 17 cases on internet forums of people sneezing at sexual thought, and 3 sneezing straight after orgasm.

The researchers aren’t sure about the reason for any of this.  They:

…surmise that a mechanism of parasympathetic summation is the cause of the unusual response, and that this mechanism may also account for other reported unusual causes of sneezing – exposure to light and fullness of stomach.

For those who don’t know what parasympathetic summation is, it basically means that your genitals might not be the only organs affected by sex or sexual thoughts, and that other organs also get some sort of stimulus for which the sneeze is a response.

There’s also a thought that sneezing could be a defence mechanism against something.  In one medical journal report, treatment-resistant sneezing was blamed on psychological factors in 31 of 38 cases.

So there you go.  Completely useless information!  But it may just be that my inability to speak to the pretty lady is a marginally better response than some of the things that could happen!

I’ll smile, I know what it takes to fool this town
I’ll do it ’til the sun goes down
And all through the night time, oh yeah,
Oh, yeah, I’ll tell you what you want to hear
Keep my sunglasses on while I shed a tear
It’s never the right time, yeah, yeah

I’ll put my armor on,
Show you how strong I am
I’ll put my armor on,
I’ll show you that I am

I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I’m so powerful
I don’t need batteries to play
I’m so confident
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today [3x]
I’m unstoppable today

I break down, only alone I will cry out loud
You’ll never see what’s hiding out
Hiding out deep down, yeah, yeah
I know I’ve heard that to let your feelings show
Is the only way to make friendships grow
But I’m too afraid now, yeah, yeah

I’ll put my armor on,
Show you how strong I am
I’ll put my armor on,
I’ll show you that I am

I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I’m so powerful
I don’t need batteries to play
I’m so confident
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today [3x]
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today [3x]
I’m unstoppable today

I’ll put my armor on,
Show you how strong I am
I’ll put my armor on,
I’ll show you that I am

Unstoppable by Sia

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