The Wind Of Equality

In the West, I think it’s possibly fair to say that we are blowing on a wind of the current popularity of Feminism.  Or maybe I’m just more aware of it than I have been before.

But is there a certain wind in which the Battle of the Sexes will never end in equality?  Yep, I spoke about the Post Orgasm Sneeze yesterday, so may as well do Female Flatulence today!

As pointed out by an article in The Atlantic, scatological humour has a long history.   From Secundus writing three times on the wall of the latrine near the front door of the House of the Centenary in Pompeii that he had defecated there to weaponised farting in ancient Japanese scrolls, it’s been everywhere.

Indeed, the BBC also reported that the world’s oldest joke is a Sumerian proverb (from what is now southern Iraq), dating back to 1900BC.  It is this.  Brace yourselves, it’s a corker.

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

I told you.  Now compose yourself and I’ll carry on.

Why is that joke so funny? Could it be because it’s actually true?

In one of those secrets that women don’t know that men know, we know you don’t go to the toilet to, you know, excrete.  Waste products simply leave your body by magic without the need for you to do something about it.  To be otherwise would be most unladylike.  You go to the toilet to powder your nose and as cover so us men don’t think we’re unfairly done to by having some very strange looking dangly bits attached to our bodies which have to be used for more than reproduction and amsuingly waving in front of you in some sort of windmill motion.

Professor Nick Haslam, head of psychology at the University of Melbourne, wrote a book named Pyschology in the Bathroom.  In his book, he opines that:

…flatulence-related attitudes and practices seem to be a matter of stereotypical masculinity and femininity.

In other words, it really could be the case that it’s just seen as a little more on the side of wrong when women break wind that when men do it.

It’s an interesting thought, especially when I think of the reaction of most of my friends.  I remember having the conversation with some about when it is OK to fart in front of your significant other and we were actually able to draw up a list of criteria.  Yet I’ve also had a female friend I’ve known for years get really embarrassed about the fact she parped in public.

I think it’s all about comfort levels.  In his study into the breaking of wind, Prof. Haslam presented college students with a description of hypothetical wind situations and asked the students to judge them on how polite, malicious and humorous they were.  The study found that wind was deemed most polite when accidental, silent, odourless and among acquaintances, and most malicious and obnoxious when deliberate, loud rank and in the presence of strangers. This relates directly to comfort levels of those on the receiving end of the wind and also those doing the delivering.

I remember once realising how good friends I’d become with someone when I went round to her place and shortly after went to put her pajamas on, forgot to take her bra off so did it in front of me (under her t-shirt) and burped halfway through the takeaway in front of Netflix.  That’s what friends do and it is natural and it demonstrates comfort in surroundings.

A friend of mine had a saying.  Well, actually he had two, but even I was offended by one of them.  The other was “some of the best things in life involve something leaving the body”.  Think about it.  I can see your subtle nod.  It just doesn’t seem fair to expect women to have to avoid wind.  Here’s to equality and comfort for all.

Hearts of fire
Streets of stone
Modern warriors
Saddle iron horses of chrome

Taste the wild
Lick the wind
Like something they never saw before
Their jaws dropping to the floor
Steel made of soul and sin

Rebels born without a care
(And the day he listens)
Only to fly where eagles dare
And the night she whispers

Ride the wind
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun
(Ride the wind)
(Never coming back again)
Ride the wind
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun

Painted flesh
Loyalty
Humble pride
Just as far as the eye can see

Stories told
Two old friends
Of battle scars and lonely bars
And nights the rain wouldn’t end

Here’s to withered eyes wearing gypsy smiles
(And the day he listens)
Here’s to lovely ladies and a million miles
And the night she whispers

Ride the wind
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun
(Ride the wind)
(Never coming back again)
Ride the wind
I’m still the bravest soul in sin
Burning till the night is done

Of all the truths and lies
And stories of riders in the sky
They say only the bravest try
Where eagles and angels dare to fly

Ride the wind
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun
(Ride the wind)
(Never coming back again)
Ride the wind
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun

Ride The Wind by Poison

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