Something that has become rather pertinent to me over the last week or so has been the thought of learning lessons and second chances. Eminem famously once asked that if you had, one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted; in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?
But what if you got a second chance? When I’ve been thinking about how to write my thoughts down, I’ve had two scenarios in my mind. The first is where something was taken away from you in the first instance, and the second is where you didn’t want it first time around and it’s been offered again.
So let’s take some examples. Seeing as most of the ones on t’interweb are relationships, for the first example let’s say you were with someone who left you and caused a whole world of heartache, but then they come back. What do you do?
I’ve had this happen to me, and I’m the only person I know for whom the second time has also ended badly when we’ve got back together. Turns out my name just wasn’t Lee, which was the name of both guys she dumped for. I’ve known a friend break-up with his childhood sweetheart for two years and are now happily married with two kids. I’ve actually known that happen a few times!
And I’m not saying that everyone gets back together when the opportunity arises, I’m just saying that in most of the cases I personally know, it’s worked out pretty well.
In the second scenario, the scene is that you had a job that sucked and you got out of it and moved somewhere else. Then the opportunity to go back to that old job arises and, well, it’s not that it all of a sudden looks great, but it might just be the right move. Again – what do you do?
This is another scenario that I’m familiar with and, as you may have guessed, that second chance is appearing as the best of a bad bunch of opportunities partly because of what the job entails, but also partly because when it was taken away from me the first time I was told that I wasn’t needed to do the job anymore.
This opens up another line of investigation about when you should give someone else a second chance.
I was trying to work out if there was a theme around “going back”. I can find studies in to remarriage success covering financial stability, support from family and friends and consensus on important topics. “Financial stability” doesn’t really apply to my scenarios, but I think the other two are important.
When I got back together with the girl who liked Lees, her family weren’t supposed to know. As a 17 year old, the warning flags that 15 years of experience have provided to me weren’t there. With hindsight / experience, it was perfectly obvious that a compromise would cause problems.
With my work example, it wouldn’t be so bad if certain things around going back are aired and cleared up, just so everyone knows where they stand and the things that went wrong last time can be fixed.
This is why, even when talking about compromise, I’m saying to look back and learn lessons. Then, can it be repaired and do you want it to be repaired? If you want it to happen, make it happen. And here, I’m talking “genuine want”. Not a “this meets all the criteria on my checklist and therefore I must want it” want, but a “I don’t know why but I just really bloody want it” want.
But once you have, you need to make sure you’re all in.
Everything is a chance. You’ll never know what happens until you take it.
My eyes are open wide
And by the way,
I made it through the day
I watched the world outside
By the way,
I’m leaving out today
I just saw Halley’s comet
Said, “Why you always running in place?”
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere
Second Chance by Shinedown