Fierce Independence

Fierce is one of those words that I don’t particularly like using, especially since it’s move from being used to describe something aggressive to something of, as Urban Dictionary puts it, “exceptional quality”.

It was, however, used a lot by someone I know.  This was the person who used to laugh at me for using the word “colleague” to describe someone I work with rather than saying “someone I work with”.  It wasn’t “fierce” that they used, but “fiercly” to describe their independence.

And just as my use of “colleague” happens to work quite well, so does fierce seem to be the correct adjective when emphasising how independent someone is.  Being “fiercly independent” just sounds right.

Being independent is something that has always confused me.  Being self-sufficient is great, obviously, but wanting to be solitary seems strange.

I once interviewed someone for a job who listed one of their strengths as independence.  It made me want to ask lots of questions about working with people and working as part of a team because everything they were telling me at the start was about doing things on their own.  I wanted to understand if that was a strength or a necessity.

I think it confuses other people too.  I was once told by someone that I needed to be happy with myself first rather than looking for happiness from a relationship.  This person all told me I should go on holiday on my own.  It was the same person who wants a partner to live in another country with them and uses that as one of the criteria before entering in to a relationship.  They wanted the partner to be the wind to their kite – to support.

It doesn’t strike me as being happy with something and self when you need someone to do it with you, so it felt hypocritical.  At the very least it’s conceptualising the partner and maybe even dehumanising them to have it as a tick box.  The happiness was dependent on being somewhere rather than with someone, yet the former needed the latter.  It’s like saying you want kids but not caring who the other parent is.

I understand being self-sufficient and I understand being happy with yourself, but I also see the positives of inviting other people in and getting a benefit from that.  That’s why I additionally don’t get fierce independence.  Why be aggressive in your need to do everything on your own?

That’s why I think I’ll carry on not using the word to describe anything other than an animal.  In that sense, it can work perfectly with something else.

You could say this was an independent love song
It ‘s nothing like two lovers
What love meant to them
But that ‘s not to say the love we have
Isn ‘t good or that strong
I ‘m doing it a different way
I ‘m doing it a different way

Independent Love Song by Scarlet

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