Closer to the Edge

Living life on the edge… Not an adage I would normally apply to myself.

Today I got some news that I’m probably going to be made redundant next April.  It’s not the first time I’ve been told something like that.  It’s the fourth, in fact, and all within the last three years.

It’s a weird thing.  I’ve spent the last few months saying that I’d be quite happy to leave and, in many respects, I still would be.  There’s a lot I don’t like about where I work and, while I realise I’m lucky to be in a job now, things have been going stale.

While my job grading has gone up, I’ve gone from being a manager on a global IT project to being a manager who this week is checking the formatting (not the content) of training documentation.  The work I’ve been given to put me on till April is not want I want to be doing but, in an interesting symmetry, is also the work I did when I first arrived at the company.

So while there is not a lot to keep me where I am (other than a guaranteed salary till April), when it comes to it it’s still not nice having the decision somewhat taken out of your hands.

My current feeling is like I’m standing on the edge.  It’s like one of those seminal moments that you’re scared sh*tless of at the time but, once it’s happened, you kind of get on with it.  It’s the anticipation that sucks the most, but I guess that’s easy to say because it hasn’t happened yet.  My Depressed Self reminds me that I’m not successful when I require people taking a chance on me.

And so I thought this photo from the weekend was pertinent.  It’s taken on the edge of a lake and shows the clear water lapping against a rock at the side.01

edge-full

 

There’s that whole thing about jumping in!  Given that, I also liked this photo when I pointed my camera up a bit to see the sun glinting of the waves.

 

ripples

 

Jumping in kind of looks inviting, but I’m still not sure I want to do it.

 

I don’t remember the moment I tried to forget
I lost myself, is it better not said
Now I’m closer to the edge

It was a thousand to one and a million to two
Time to go down in flames and I’m taking you
Closer to the edge

No I’m not saying I’m sorry
One day maybe we’ll meet again
No I’m not saying I’m sorry
One day maybe we’ll meet again
No no no no

(Can you, can you, can you)
Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free?
The birth of a song, the death of a dream
Closer to the edge

This never ending story
Paid for with pride and fate
We all fall short of glory
Lost in our fate

No no no no
I will never forget
No no
I will never regret
No no
I will live my life

Closer to the edge
Closer to the edge
No no no no
Closer to the edge
Closer to the edge
No no no no
Closer to the edge

Closer To The Edge by 30 Seconds To Mars

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