I Miss You

Over the weekend, we split up.  Not great timing, giving that today is Valentine’s Day, but that was one of the reasons for doing it when I did.

Since it happened, they just won’t leave me alone.  It’s message after message after message; sometimes normal, but also venturing in to e-mails to attract my attention, to make me come back.  It’s getting desperate.

Yep, it appears that Facebook has issues with me not logging in for a few days!  However, I think we’ve all probably been in the position of jilted lover and can probably all relate to a desperation to start or restart a relationship.

There have actually been studies in to the former including one in 2007 by Dr Paul Eastwick.  The researchers got a bunch of people to go speed dating and then got them to fill in some surveys from which they established some interesting points about selectivity of potential romantic partners.

The first point was that people with low standards somehow managed to display this to potential dates subconsciously.

Secondly:

If a participant uniquely desired a particular partner, the partner tended to reciprocate that unique desire. If a participant generally tended to romantically desire others, those others tended not to desire him or her.

Thirdly, analysis showed that indiscriminate daters were were liked less, partly for that exact reason.  So why are those who liked everyone less liked themselves, romantically?

If you’ll date just about anybody it gives people the expectation that you are not really a scarce commodity worthy of the chase for something meaningful.  The conclusions do tend to detract from the thought that dating is a numbers game, although they also show that if you treat enough people like crap it makes you look better to the one person that you do actually have some time for, whether this be true feelings or not.

This forms quite an interesting comparison to non-romantic behaviour where people are generally drawn to those who are popular.  The answer to the question “why” probably lies somewhere on the lines of commitment where people desire partners whose desire is specific to the one person.

I wonder, then, if there’s a link there for why we get desperate at the end of a relationship and, come to think of it, in the middle of one.  We’re always trying to show that person how special they are to us.  It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?  If we can show desperation by accepting just anyone, if we find that one special person and show equal levels of desperation and desire to make it work, should that not not show the object of our affections that we mean everything we do?

If you got dreams in your heart
why don’t you share them with me?
and if dreams don’t come true
I’ll make sure that you’re nightmares
are through

if you got pain in your heart
why don’t you share it with me?
and we’ll just wait and see
if it’s half what it used to be

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

if you’ve got love in your heart
why don’t you keep it with mine?
I can’t promise a miracle
but I’ll always be trying

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

lay it down easy
lay it on me

lay it down easy
but lay it on me

Lay It Down Slow by Spiritualised

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