Phones And Carly’s Neon Thong

Back in college, there was something I always wanted that was the height of things to be seen with.  And no, this isn’t related to my 2 hour exposure to Carly’s underwear throughout a General Studies exam.  Honestly, get higher jeans or don’t your thong round your rib cage, it’s just distracting.  Especially when it’s neon blue and sticks out like a sore thumb against a rather unnaturally deep orange fake tan.

I’m actually talking about the Nokia 3310.  It was the phone at the time and, having sold 126 million units in an age where choice was about looks and price rather than operating system, it was a true icon of the Noughties.  The phone had a reputation for robustness, stupidly long battery life, one handed texting at the speed of light and Snake.

That’s the reason that there’s a furore around a possible relaunch of the handset this year.  It represents everything that modern day mobiles aren’t because it came at a time where a phone was a phone and was about communication.  An 84×84 monochrome screen was enough to see what you’re doing and read messages.  It didn’t have a data connection but it didn’t need one, because that’s what you had a computer and dial-up for at home.

It’s still the only handset (touchwood) that I’ve broken the screen on.  I was getting out the way of an old lady with a tray in the cafe in Woolworths and walked in to the corner of a counter top with the phone in my jeans pocket.  Like those films where people are saved from gun shots by things of sentimental importance in their top pockets, I like to think that my 3310 also saved me from serious injury.  And the screen cost next to nothing to replace.

Most reports are saying that the relaunched model is likely to be marketed as that reliable second phone, put at a price point where you’d get one to put in a drawer for when you need it.  I must admit, I want one.  I mean, I still have one with a battery that doesn’t work 17 or so years after I bought it and a long time since I last used it, but I wanted a new one when I heard the news.

I won’t be the only person to feel that way.

However, that’s where it would stay with me – in the drawer.  I want one to have one, but there was a reason I didn’t when it was replaced.  I wanted the extra functionality and I was prepared to put up with the limitations of modern phones to get one.  I can’t think of a circumstance where someone like me would be prepared to sacrifice that functionality now and a new 3310 would be the better option to replace my iPhone, even temporarily.

For one to be useful to me, I’d need to be able to use it with the same phone number I have now so it can be an emergency phone.  I wouldn’t carry just the 3310 but I would put it in the car’s glove box or in a bag for a long day out so I could still receive messages and calls and only receive e-mails, check social media and catch Pokémon occasionally, thus preserving my iPhone’s battery.  That possibly says more about my own requirement to be connected, but that’s for another time.

What’s interesting about the buzz that the relaunch has generated is that it’s served as reminder of what’s really important when you strip things back to basics.  Hopefully today’s big players are paying attention, which is more than I was doing to my General Studies exam.

Everybody’s spinning words around
Moving their mouths about you
But they don’t know that what they’re throwing out
Is what I’m looking for

While the other brothers stay inside
I’ll meet you outside
Outside of the line

JEZEBELLA
I KNOW I’M THE FELLA
TO GIVE YOU A RUN FOR YOUR MONEY
JEZEBELLA
I KNOW I’M THE FELLA
TO SPILL THE MILK ON YOUR HONEY
A RUN FOR YOUR MONEY
JEZABELLA

Everybody’s spinning words around
Moving their mouths about you
But they don’t know that what they’re throwing out
Is what I’m looking for

Shake it baby break it down for me
Turn it out teach me something
Groove it to it let me feel and see
What you’re made of

Anybody who done passed you by
Must be out of their minds
But that’s alright

JEZEBELLA
I KNOW I’M THE FELLA
TO GIVE YOU A RUN FOR YOUR MONEY
JEZEBELLA
I KNOW I’M THE FELLA
TO SPILL THE MILK ON YOUR HONEY
A RUN FOR YOUR MONEY
JEZABELLA

Whenever I see you
I want to be in you for life
So whatever you say is okay
Whatever you do I’ll do too
You are fine, fine as with me

Jezzebella by Vintage Trouble

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