Hooray For Boobies!

Yes, if I’m prompted to write something about the word “jiggle“, I am going to plumb the depths.

I remember being at a bar one busy Bank Holiday a few years ago.  It was a poorly managed bar where the bar staff didn’t really care less who they served and when as long as they were serving somebody.  I woman next to me noticed my inability to not get served and said, “Allow me”.  She proceeded to pull down her low cut top slightly, fold her arms, lift and lean on the bar.

Hey presto, the male barman offered to serve her next at which point she gave him what for for not serving me.

This highlighted to the Power Of The Breast, but what makes them such a powerful weapon against (at least) the Straight Man.

The first thing is that we (straight men) don’t have any.  This makes all the 8 things that “Cosmo Frank” lists as us wanting to do with them even more appealing.  Obviously it’s not just your boobs that we love about you, but they do help facilitate things that we can’t simulate with anything else.

Apparently there’s been a study where a group of men were offered pay outs which increased the longer you went before accepting.  The researchers found that watching gratuitous Baywatch-style running women prompted men to deal sooner than those watching “pastoral” clips.

So we’ve established that boobs have great power, but why?

Biologically speaking, boobs as we know them are pretty pointless because the bit that provides the shape and the jiggle isn’t actually necessary in doing what boobs are biologically there for – feeding babies.  There is a thought that the bigger the boob and therefore the more fat serves as an indicator of good health and ability to bear children.  However, if we’re looking at breeding as the reason, men would be spreading their seed far an wide anyway.  And, besides, some of us quite like small boobs.

There’s also a thought that boobs are mimicking elaborate bum curves of other primates given that humans are (pretty much?) the only animals who mate face to face (if they so choose) where bums aren’t visible.

The Missionary Position is where this possibly all begins to tie together.

When a baby breast feeds, it starts a chain of events that produces oxytocin and ultimately milk release.  The oxytocin makes the baby become the focus of the mother’s attention and helps to forge a strong mother to child bond.

Because we humans can and do mate face to face, there’s a theory that stimulation of the boobs for fun acting in concert with dopamine production caused by having sex helps to create a bond between the lovers.  It all helps create an association of the lover’s face and eyes with the pleasurable feelings, building a bond in the women’s brain.

So there we go.  Men like boobs because we want the owner of said boobs to like us back.

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh

All Of Me by John Legend

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