Decisions, Decisions


So, if we were having a coffee this week, I think I’d probably start talking about The Ironic Long Service Award I was given at work about 10 days ago.  Yes, I would start talking because these chats always seem fairly one way!

I should point out, right now, that this is a very first world problem but it’s quite a nice reflection of where I want to take this post for something more important.  In fact, the more important thing is probably pretty first world too, come to think of it.  OK, well, stick with me if you fancy it.  I won’t be offended if you don’t, but I have just bought you a brew.

The long service award is basically some credit to spend on a website.  The website has a range of things which I can spend the credit on, and it is this choice that’s causing my “problem”.

Do I go for something sensible that I may need at some point in the future but would feel disappointed at receiving as an award, such as a Draper 1300W 230V Circular Saw with Laser Guide?  I wouldn’t want to buy one for myself, so getting a “free” one seems like a good idea, but it’s a circular saw that will sit in the shed for a few decades.

Do I go for something sensible, but that might be useful, such as a Churchill Penzance Earthenware 12 Piece Set?  It would save me some money, and I’d have a set of plates and stuff.

Do I go for something sensible, useful but that I really don’t need, such as a Le Creuset Traditional Whistle Kettle in Volcanic Orange or Joseph Joseph Index Advance Chopping Board Set with Knives?  I have a kettle and chopping boards and loads of knives, but these are a little different.

Do I go for something that I can give someone as a present, such as a Baby-G Urban Runner Ladies Wristwatch? Actually, no, that’s awful, but you get the point.  It would essentially give me the credit in cash to get something I really want.

Or, do I just get the lava lamp? I love lava lamps, I do, and I’ve wanted a Telstar for ages.

This kind of reflects my current work situation.  Last week I said I was going to have a meeting with my line manager to find out what was really going on with me, whether I was leaving or whether someone was actually going to put one of the rumoured new jobs in front of me to have a look at.

That meeting happened at 12.30 on Tuesday and I got a very definite, “You’re leaving. I’ll chase HR for the paperwork and this is what I want you to do before you go.”  Right, OK, some clarity.

At 3pm, I had another meeting with someone from the US who was asking me about my interactions with other people.  That sounds awkward, but basically I’m one of only two people in the business (at least in Europe) who knows about certain things so whatever “placeholder” jobs I’ve been given over the last four months, I still really work on that stuff.  At the end of that conversation she told me that she was working on a job spec for me to stay.

Wednesday came and went with no talk of my situation and then first thing Thursday I had another meeting with my line manager.  At the end he asked, “where are you?”, meaning my situation and thoughts.  I gave my stock answer of keeping my options open before he said that he was working with someone else on a project / position for me.  That afternoon I got a phone call from one of our third party service providers saying that they’ve told one of our global director level people that I need to stay.

So I’m still frustrated because I still have no clarity.  It was 5 January I was told I was leaving and still no-one is sure and still it’s because a lot of people don’t actually believe my role to be redundant.  Why it’s so frustrating is that I want to be preparing my exit plan because I have various ideas that kind of match my long service award decision.

Sensibly, my brain is telling me that I shouldn’t give up work if I have the option of it.  Why would I want to be unemployed?

The answer to that is that I’d like a rest.  I’ve got a list of things, from things I’d like to learn to things I’d like to do.  I’ve bought a Raspberry Pi to start learning some more programming and hardware build.  I’d like to start yoga classes, and design some website templates, while recharging my batteries by managing my own routine the way I want it rather than how I need it.

Or I might also have the possibility of leaving where I currently work and taking up some temp work somewhere for a bit.  There are so many options but so little clarity still, which makes the choices hard to get my head round.

Well that’s work anyway.  I wouldn’t say it’s a stress, but it’s quite a big weight at the moment which is making it hard to think of much more.

I went to the match yesterday, with Liverpool beating Arsenal 3-1.  Liverpool are a frustrating team to support this season, because we can beat good teams that give us a game pretty easily, but lower teams that don’t want to lose give us a problem.

Earlier today I decided to clean the washing machine.  I’d bought some stuff to clean my “technical” clothing (no, that doesn’t mean underpants) and it requires no detergent to be left in the machine.  The bit for the fabric softener hasn’t exactly been draining properly for ages so I took it out to clean it and nearly threw up! Anyway, it’s done now, even if I can still smell it.

So probably time to wrap up how I usually do with this week’s new Pokémon!

Hope you’re OK and that you’ve had a fun week.

Walking down 29th and park
I saw you in another’s arms
Only a month we’ve been apart
You look happier

Saw you walk inside a bar
He said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah you look happier, you do

Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain’t nobody love you like I do
Promise that I will not take it personal baby
If you’re moving on with someone new

Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I’ll feel it too
And until then I’ll smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you

Sat in the corner of the room
Everything’s reminding me of you
Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you’re happier
Aren’t you?

Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain’t nobody need you like I do
I know that there’s others that deserve you
But my darling I am still in love with you

But I guess you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I’ll feel it too
I could try to smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you

Baby you look happier, you do
I knew one day you’d fall for someone new
But if he breaks your heart like lovers do
Just know that I’ll be waiting here for you

Happier by Ed Sheehan

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