Real Smugglers

A story came to my attention from the news of last week, where three gun smugglers had been jailed for importing illegal firearms.

Apparently one of them even admitted to being “a bit of a paedophile” after the National Crime Agency found a memory stick of indecent images buried in his garden.  Quite how you can be “a bit” of one is beyond me, as is the fact that anyone thinks a buried memory stick doesn’t look suspicious.

Anyway.  Turns out that one of the men was buying guns from America via the Dark Web and the other two were taking possession of them.  This, though, is where the idea of calling them “smugglers” doesn’t quite fit.

When one thinks of a smuggler, one thinks of caves and pirates and rowing boats with gas lamps as the mist rolls in off the sea in the dead of night.  These guys, though, simply got the guns posted to them.  Presumably the packages were marked as “gift” to avoid paying import tax.

Now, I don’t consider myself to be smuggling Mario Kart 8 Deluxe from Amazon at the end of this week.  Nor do I think any magazines I subscribe to are smuggled or anything else I’ve ordered online has been smuggled, although discrete packaging is sometimes appreciated!

I know this may also be playing on a technicality, but the investigation in to a dark web trafficking group sending guns to the UK began in 2013.  The Royal Mail (assuming this was the company that delivered the weapons) was only fully privatised in 2015.  Does this mean it was actually the Queen or the Government doing the trafficking?

I guess that, either way, if you’re going to do something like this at least try to be a bit less obvious.

We ain’t going to the party
We ain’t going to the game
We ain’t going to the disco
Ain’t gonna cruise down main

We’re stealing people’s mail
stealing people’s mail
stealing people’s mail
On a friday night

Drivin’ in the mountains
Winding ’round and ’round
Rummage thru your mailboxes
Take your mail back to town

And we got license plates, wedding gifts, tax returns
Checks to politicians from real estate firms
Money, bills and cancelled checks
Pretty funny pictures of your kids

We’re gonna steal your mail
On a Friday night
We’re gonna steal your mail
By the pale moonlight

We got grocery sackful after grocery sackful
After grocery sackful after grocery sackful
After grocery sackful after grocery sackful
Of the private lives of you
Ha Ha

People say that we’re crazy
We’re sick and all alone
But when we read your letters
We’re rolling on the floor

We got more license plates, wedding gifts, tax returns
Checks to politicians from real estate firms
Money, bills and cancelled checks
We cut relationships with your friends

We’re gonna steal your mail
On a Friday night
We’re gonna steal your mail
By the pale moonlight

We better not get caught
We’ll be dumped in institutions
Where we’ll be drugged and shocked
‘Til we come out born-again Christians

Stealing People’s Money by Dead Kennedys