Calling A Spayed A Spayed

I don’t even know how it really ever came up, but one time a friend sent me an idea for an online dating profile.  It read:

Please adopt Michael.  He is a fully house trained dog who has not lost his puppy playfulness.  He is infection free, had all his jabs, not spayed with long glossy fur.  Would suit a home with female companion and no other dogs so that he can have lots of affection.

Reading it back now, it’s not quite as nice as it originally looked.  But anyway…

There is a guy who adopted a dog called Bear.  His name is Chris Mendiola, from Texas.  He has felt especially close to Bear since the dog experienced a medical issue similar to one he had gone through. “He actually just went through surgery.  He tore his dog-version of the ACL and I suffered the same injury a couple years ago [presumably to the human version],” Mendiola said. “He’s my best friend. He’s been there for my highs and he’s been there for my lows.”

So what else would you do to show support for your four legged friend than getting a matching tattoo?

Yep, Chris thought that a previous owner had tattooed his pet.

As it turns out, the Association of Shelter Veterinarians’ standards require vets to tattoo spayed and neutered shelter animals so that no one unnecessarily operates on the animals again.

Apparently, Chris did know what the tattoo meant before getting it tattooed on himself, but still plans on getting a cover up.

The story doesn’t make any reference to how advertising the fact he has no testicles has affected Chris’ love life.  Perhaps my profile wasn’t too bad after all.

Well I’m upper upper class high society
God’s gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I’ve got
The biggest balls of all

I’ve got big balls
I’ve got big balls
They’re such big balls
And they’re dirty big balls
And he’s got big balls
And she’s got big balls
(But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all)

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I’ve got
Great balls of fire

I’ve got big balls
Oh I’ve got big balls
And they’re such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he’s got big balls
And she’s got big balls
(But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all)

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they’re held for pleasure
They’re the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It’s my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

We’ve got big balls
We’ve got big balls
We’ve got big balls
Dirty big balls
He’s got big balls
She’s got big balls
(But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all)

(We’ve got big balls)
(We’ve got big balls)

And I’m just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all)

Big Balls by AC/DC

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