The Don’t Wake Up Coffee Share

Good evening,

If we were having a coffee this week, we’ll have it straight up.  I need to stop eating so much rubbish until Christmas.

I really can’t remember what happened earlier in the week.  I have a feeling that something worth talking about happened between Monday morning and Wednesday night but, if it did, I’ve forgotten about it.

On Thursday I woke up feeling genuinely sad.  I don’t know why.  Wednesday had been OK and I can’t remember dreaming about anything.  It was also odd because, as I thought about it more, I realised that I don’t feel a lot of emotion when I first wake up anyway under normal circumstances.

My routine will be switching the alarm off, talk to Moo, feed Moo, shower and get ready for work.  I don’t really actively think about how I’m feeling at any stage during that time.  To notice what I was feeling on a particularly average morning was relatively new.

Thursday day time I had two pangs of that feeling that I’ve spoken about before that I can’t recognise as being either worry or excitement, but rather simply a feeling that something is going to happen.  They both came apropos to nothing, once in the middle of some work I was doing and once when I was out with friends for a curry in the evening.

Then on Friday I was sat in the office and got a text off someone I was looking forward to seeing in a few weeks saying that plans were cancelled and it disappointed me far more than it probably should have done.  Things were quiet so I wandered away from my desk for half an hour to let it suck a little and then try to get it out of my system.

I know someone else who would really have liked the meeting to happen and I don’t think there has ever been a time where I’ve wanted something to happen so much for someone else.

A lot of people have been talking to me about my precarious work situation at the moment, all offering advice which is welcomed and I feel like I’m able to take it in and absorb it and (hopefully) use it.  I’m also relatively calm about it myself, or at least feel like I am, but I’m wondering if everyone else talking at me about it is stressing me subconsciously.

Then this morning I woke feeling strange again, but this time it was dreams.  I used to know someone with whom I discussed dreams (the ones that happened when we were asleep, in this context) and her dreams used to happen on a new moon and mine on a full moon.  Last night I dreamt that I was leaving Australia, like I’d been living there.  It wasn’t a holiday or anything, it was breaking permanency.  Then I dreamt at being at a car rally and I was talking to someone about buying a car.  Neither subject should have bothered me, but I woke up bothered by them.

It’s been a strange week given it’s the closest I’ve felt to being depressed since my doctor and a councillor or two suspected that I was at the beginning of last year.

It’s an even stranger week because I try to finish these posts with some small things but I don’t think I have any this week! I’ve scanned the photos I have on my phone but can’t find anything and I’ve been trying to think back about what I’ve done but nothing is coming to mind.

Except for the fact that I’ve been trying to work out why I can’t put a jumper on over a shirt without the sleeves twisting.

I’m sure that your week has been more fun than mine.  I did get an Ho-oh though.

Maybe that means it’s time to say that we’ll do all this again next week.


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