In The News : Heinous Crimes And Appropriate Punishment

When reason fails, the devil helps!

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Last week was a difficult one for Crime And Punishment.  In the face of such heinous acts of complete depravity existing in the world today, it’s imperative that various justice systems deal with breaches of acceptable social standards in the strongest and yet most appropriate of ways.

PC Thomas Hooper, a Metropolitan Police Constable attached to the Kingston unit, has appeared at a disciplinary hearing after he was accused of taking a colleague’s tin of biscuits and lying about it.

PC Hooper was dragged before the Directorate of Professional Standards to attempt to justify his actions.  However, when panel chairman Naheed Asjad asked then inspector Sarah Blake: “You have a sergeant and an inspector and a box of biscuits that have gone missing and the only thing you can come up with is to refer the matter to DPS?” I can’t help but think that he missed the point.

Mercifully, Charles Apthrop representing the Met Police told the tribunal that the theft showed a lack of professional standards and a “fundamental lack of integrity”.  Ms Blake summed it up better when she completely discredited PC Hooper’s obvious lies that he was going to share the biscuits with colleagues by helpfully pointing out that once the biscuits were eaten PC Hooper was unable to put them back and cited the “gravity of the incident” as reason for the need of a formal disciplinary hearing.

After all, Naheed, this was no ordinary packet of biscuits.  No, this was a f*cking two tier tin of biscuits, Naheed.  We’re not just talking about some Tesco Value Jaffa Cakes, Naheed.  Dear me.  Two tiers, Naheed – in a f*cking tin!

As far as I can tell, the tax payer is still paying for the hearing and to have such a vagabond help defend them from national security threats.

Perhaps a school in Great Yarmouth can provide some guidance on proper punishment when PC Hooper is found guilty.

Headmaster Barry Smith sent a letter to parents of the 1,000 pupils at Great Yarmouth Charter Academy banning a number of styles, including the memorable ‘Meet me at McDonald’s’.

Smith has chosen to punish such stupidity by having the children taught in isolation or not at all.  These children, after all, are obviously more likely to be future biscuit robbers, what with such fashion role models as whoever it was that won X-Factor last year and a barely teenaged rapper that no-one has ever heard of.

What better way to teach impressionable people about social standards than to remove them from being social or refuse to teach them anything at all?

It’s great to see punishment achieving its aims of rebalancing injustices and ensuring people come out the other side as thoroughly better individuals.


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